Hymn For The Future
by Kazuki Naruse
Summary: (DOUBLE SONGFIC.) War AU. NatsuTohru! Tohru goes off to fight the war against the Shikis. Natsuno stays home and relives his last moments with Tohru, wishing he could have said those three special words. I hope you like it! :) Please review!


_I tried to walk together  
><em> "I wanted nothing more than to be closer to you, Tohru-chan." I whisper into the cold air in front of me. "I kept wanting to take your hand, but I couldn't. I didn't want you to know I loved you. I didn't want to tell you. I guess I was a too scared. I hadn't intended to get close to anyone in this stupid village, but then you came along. You kept insisting to call me by my first name, and you wouldn't listen when I told you not to. You were the first person who opposed me Tohru-chan, the first person stubborn enough to stay with me despite my efforts to push you away. Why did you do that, Tohru-chan? You've made this so much harder for me." Tears roll down my cheeks, but I don't try to wipe them away. I glance towards the window where he'd stood.

_But the night was growing dark_

Yes, it was, wasn't it? I remember perfectly. He knocked on my window at sunset, saying that he hated going through the front door. "Natsuno," he called out to me. I remember the way my name rolled easily off his lips, an effortless string of syllables. I remember the way his eyes lit up as I leaned out, getting as close to him as I could. I remember the sudden urge I had to kiss him, to confess to him, and how hard it was to push that urge down. "I have something to tell you!" he said excitedly. "Will you come out with me?" he said, taking a few steps back from the window. His face disappeared into the shadows.

He turned away from me the moment I walked out. It was too late; I had already seen the sad look in his eyes. I knew he was going to give me some terrible news.

I'd wanted to ask him, but I didn't know how. I wasn't good at starting conversations-after all, I hated talking to anyone, except him.

So I didn't ask. I just waited, walking alongside him in silence.

_Thought you were beside me _

For a long time, we walked side by side, in silence. Then he stopped. I turned around.

"Tohru-chan?" I'd asked, concern painted across my face.

"Natsuno..." he started, his voice laced with sadness. Any urge I'd had to punch him for calling me by my first name was melted by the despair on his face. I stayed silent. He continued, "I'm enlisting in the war." he said, glancing up at me before returning his gaze to his feet.

The war. The war against the Shikis. Why? Why was he enlisting in such a pointless war?

I wanted to ask but the words never came. I just stared at him, and he stared at the ground.

_But I reached and you were gone_

I wanted to say something, to do something, but I was frozen.

"I'm sorry." he said, tears streaming down his face. He knew how much I hated wars and how pointless I thought they were. He knew I'd be against it. "I'm sorry." he said before turning around and running away from me.

I reached out and tried to call to him, but my voice wouldn't function. I wanted to run after him, but my feet stayed glued to the ground. I watched him disappear.

_Sometimes I hear you calling_

I can still hear the way he calls out for me, the way he says my name. So energetically, so endearingly. I miss that. I miss him. I miss him so much.

_From some lost and distant shore_

"Where are you, Tohru-chan?" I whisper into the night, wishing for his voice to answer me. I keep imagining him lying in a ditch somewhere, alone, hurt, lonely. I keep dreaming of him getting killed in battle. I keep imagining the Shiki killing him, taking him away from me forever.

I wouldn't be able to live if that happened. "I can't live without you, Tohru-chan." I say to him, looking out my window at the stars. Is he gazing at the same stars? I wonder.

_I hear you crying softly for the way it was before_

I want life to go back to the way it was before the damn war. I want life to go back to the way it was before the damn Shikis.

I want to be back at Tohru's house, falling asleep to the sound of some strange video game he's always playing. I want to wake up with him next to me, snoring lightly. I want to be able to wake up and kiss his cheek, staring at his sleeping face before school.

I want Tohru to come home.

_Where are you now?_

I know his troop number, lucky number 17. I wish I could find his troop; find him. I wish I could be there with him.

_Are you lost? _

I stare into the trees. What if something happened to his troop and they wound up in Shiki territory? I shiver at the thought.

_Will I find you again?_

"Are you ever coming home, Tohru-chan?" I ask the forest outside my window. I imagine him standing there, waiting for me to join him. I picture his bright, cheerful smile and his excited eyes. I want to be with him again. I want to hold him in my arms, to never let him go.

I can't live with the possibility that I'll never see him again.

_Are you alone?_

What if he got separated from his troop? What if he's lying in a ditch somewhere, bleeding to death? What if he needs me and I'm not there? These thoughts run through my head, twisting and turning and torturing me.

_Are you afraid?_

I've never seen Tohru afraid of anything, but, then again, there's never been anything to be afraid of. This town is quiet, peaceful.

My heart is pounding a mile a minute. I hit my head against the wall, trying to make these terrible thoughts disappear.

_Are you searching for me?_

"I'm here, waiting for you to return, Tohru-chan." I say. I'll wait forever if that's what it takes. I won't give up on him, I won't leave. I hate this town but I will live here my entire life if that's how long it will take for Tohru to return home.

I open the window, just in case he is here, so he can come in.

_Why did you go?_

They had enough fighters. They didn't need small-town inhabitants like us.

And yet, he left. He walked out of my life to go fight some distant enemy. Who cares if Humans are losing the war? That doesn't affect people in tiny, unknown places like us. We could have kept living our life the way we used to before he left. We could have stayed together, peacefully wasting the rest of our days; together.

_I had to stay._

I can't join. I can't be a part of the war. There's no way I could possibly fight for such a stupid reason. I don't want to risk my life for other peoples' problems.

If only Tohru had felt the same way. Then he'd still be here. Then he'd be with me right now, laughing at some arbitrary joke.

_Now I'm reaching for you._

My hand reaches through the cold, misty air outside, wanting nothing more than to find him, to hold him. My fingers grasp nothing. Of course they do-he's not there.

_Will you wait? Will you wait?_

"I'll wait however long it takes to see you again, Tohru-chan, even if that means waiting an eternity."

The stars are bright above my head.

_Will I see you again?_

I can't stand the thought of never seeing him again. I can't imagine my life without him. I have to be with him.

No matter what it takes, I will be with him again.

_You took it with you when you left_

He took everything with him when he left. I feel like my life is suddenly incomplete without him, like everything is falling apart because he left. I feel like I can't breathe anymore.

_These scars are just a trace_

I glance at the long scar on my arm. It finally healed, I guess.

On the night that he left, I'd finally found the energy to run after him. I'd finally found the courage to tell him not to leave. I'd finally found the words I'd wanted to say.

I never got to say them.

I tripped on the way to his house, and hit my head on a rock. I don't know how long I was passed out. I just remember waking up with a long cut on my arm and a monstrous headache.

By the time I picked myself up and made it to his house, it was too late. He was already gone. Tamotsu told me he'd left only an hour ago, driving with Ritsuko to the nearest train station, which was in the next town over. He was probably already on the train by now.

_Now it wanders lost and wounded_

I'd left running. I didn't know where I was going, but I didn't care. I'd run for hours, cursing under my breath.

I didn't run to the next town. I ran into the forest, screaming at the top of my lungs as soon as I got into the cover of the tall leafy trees.

I hadn't gotten there in time. I hadn't been able to tell him those three words that rested in my heart, a heavy weight I wouldn't be able to get rid of.

_This heart that I misplaced_

He had stolen my heart a long time ago, but it was fine then. Now my heart is a heavy burden. Those three words are waiting for him to come home. They stay on the tip of my tongue, ready for him to hear.

_Where are you now?_

How far away is he? I wonder, leaning further out my window. I stare into the trees, as though the answer is waiting for me there.

_Are you lost? _

I climb out, my feet landing on the soft, muddy ground. The forest is so close to me, so very very close. It looks so inviting.

I walk to the first tree, gently resting my hand against it. I remember the way he used to surprise me by waiting here, leaning against this tree until I saw him.

The forest in front of me is vast, easy to get lost in...

_Will I find you again?_

I imagine him waiting for me just beyond these trees, wandering around, trying to find his way home. He needs me. I need to go to him.

_Are you alone?_

"Wait for me, Tohru-chan." I whisper. "I'll be with you soon."

_Are you afraid?_

I'll hold him, all night long if he needs me. I'll wipe away his tears, chase away his nightmares, defeat his fears. I'll be there for him, no matter what he needs.

_Are you searching for me?_

In my mind, his eyes are searching the battlefield. He's wondering if he'll ever see me again, if we'll ever be together again.

We will be. I promise.

_Why did you go?_

It doesn't matter anymore. I don't care why he left, I just care that it has been way too long since we've been together.

_I had to stay._

I'm not staying here any longer. Not without Tohru.

_Now I'm reaching for you._

I'm running. My feet are pounding against the cold ground, making a soft crunch each time I step on dead leaves.

_Will you wait? Will you wait?_

"Wait for me just a little longer, Tohru-chan." I say. My words are carried away by the wind trying to hold me back.

_Will I see you again?_

"I'm coming."


End file.
